and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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