I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
