I'm laying in your front yard are you home
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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