It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
