I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
