Christians are straight up FREAKS
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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