i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
