ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
