It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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