what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
