probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
my liver is dry heaving
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
