i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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