Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
