it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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