my mouth tastes like poor choices
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize