she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
