Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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