the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
