So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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