dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
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For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
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I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived