god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
