wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.