She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
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update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
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Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.