yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
