I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Randomize
