I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
