the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
