So gin and wine won't be happening again
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
