he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
