The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
