you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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