She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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