I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
