We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
