Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
