Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
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it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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