Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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