From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
