It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
