Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
