There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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