Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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