I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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