i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
