We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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