If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
