so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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