did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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