Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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