we have pet lesbian snakes
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
