i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
