i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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