Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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