dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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