What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
