I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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