so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
