"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How naked do you want me to be?
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