I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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