I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You ruined the universe
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
