as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
