im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
