DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
