I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
