how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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