i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
