I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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