Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
