I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
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My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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