I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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