She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
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I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
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Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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