Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
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Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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